Ya 3ami.. badi ifham

The past few weeks caused turmoil in my conscience at all level. My perpetual disgust with the Israeli aggression against my people as if the Lebanese are roden deserve of organized and scientific extermination faces the new shocking of defining victory.

The Lebanese resistance kidnapped two Israeli soldiers to free up 3 Lebanese prisoners. In return, more Lebanese are dead, the whole infrastructure is destroyed, all Lebanese became prisoners in their houses, 1 million displaced and we are victorious! I cannot understand this logic… I am finding it more difficult to accept this reality… can anyone please explain it to me? I truly want to be proud of what the Lebanese has achieved… I want to feel the we really won this war… I really want to feel this war is giving me a better future… I want to walk in demonstration every year in July saying that we liberated our land (did we?) freed our prisoners (did we?) proved we deserve to live with dignity and prosperity (did we?) I really want to do that… but my logic prevent me from convincing myself… I need the help of those who solve this dilema for me!

I know many of the fighter are going to heaven because of their martyrdom. This is a well believed fact! But how I get to this heaven if I do not believe in their realm? Should I die to live in paradise? Is there any special death? Smashed under the stones of a building… or from debris of a mortar that was supposed to hit some one else? Should I kill someone to be eligible to go to heaven? What if I do not kill and die? Would I lose my chance to the glory of the glories?

Why me, or the poor inhabitant of the beloved south, were not given shelters or the minimum protection while those who belive in martyrdom the way to heave live in bunkers under the 7th earth?

Ya 3ami, badi ifhan… If I should feel proud… I need to know why? Who can help?